The Other Side of the Military Spouse Label

The memory never fades. It lingers in the walls of my home, in the quiet moments when the world keeps moving but I stand still. I can remember exactly where I was when I heard the commotion in the kitchen—the instant when everything unraveled. The makeup palette in my hand shattered on the floor, but nothing felt more broken than what was happening in that moment.  

My husband, Nathan, served in the Army Reserves, completing three overseas deployments and one stateside. The weight of those experiences followed him home, embedding itself into every aspect of our lives. Yet, when his battle became one that couldn’t be fought on the frontlines, the silence was deafening.  

On February 8, 2024, that silence broke in the most devastating way. Nathan’s struggles with PTSD and the cognitive effects of an IED blast culminated in a suicide attempt in the kitchen of our home. I walked through the house after everyone was gone. No one told me when they put him in the ambulance. No one told me when it moved away. I was left standing alone in the middle of our home, replaying every moment in my mind, trying to make sense of what had happened. The silence was suffocating.  

Nathan’s PTSD manifested in hyper-vigilance, keeping him in a constant fight mode, always bracing for the next attack. This resulted in explosive anger over the most minor things. When his memory would “glitch,” he’d become furious, frustrated by forgetting even minor details. His nightmares were relentless, filling our nights with his yelling and talking in his sleep.  

Living alongside his struggles, I began to show symptoms of PTSD myself. The weight of his anger, his hyper-vigilance, and the aftermath of his suicide attempt took a toll on me. I felt isolated, unheard, and overwhelmed. It was like being in a room full of people, and none of them heard me screaming for help.

Yet when I sought support, I found the world of military spouse resources wasn’t what I expected. Conversations revolved around raising money for nonprofits or supporting causes, but few spoke about the real, raw struggles families like mine faced every single day. I felt like my pain was invisible—until I pushed.  

Then, finally, I connected with another military spouse. We shared stories that felt eerily similar, and she said something that struck me to my core: “We get PTSD by proxy.” That single sentence shifted everything. It validated my experience, affirmed my pain, and proved that we are not alone.  

A few months ago, I lost my best friend to suicide. That loss shook me to the core. It was a painful, devastating reminder of why I refuse to stay silent. Mental health struggles don’t just exist in one corner of life—they weave into our families, our friendships, our communities. We can’t afford to ignore them any longer. My pain, my grief, and my love for those who have struggled and lost their battles fuel my determination to shatter the stigma once and for all.

That’s why I’m telling this story. Not because it’s easy, but because no one should ever struggle so hard with this that they decide to give up. No one should ever feel so unseen that they believe there’s no way forward.  

The Crisis We Don’t Talk About

As a community, we need more than just awareness—we need action. Nonprofits and organizations claiming to support military families must prioritize the real needs of spouses and veterans rather than focusing solely on donations and external appearances. Our stories deserve more than a fundraising campaign. They deserve honest conversations, real advocacy, and transformative change.  

We have to shatter the stigma attached to mental illnesses and the treatments associated with them. We must talk openly, support fiercely, and never let silence be why someone feels alone in their battle.  
So today, I ask you—what will you do to #ShatterTheStigma?

Author Bio:

As the founder of a nonprofit dedicated to uplifting veterans and military spouses, Shaneena creates programs and resources that provide essential support and foster community connection. She also facilitates the monthly PTSD by Proxy support group under Hats Off for Veterans, creating a safe and empowering space for military spouses to share their experiences.

In addition to her advocacy work, Shaneena channels her bold authenticity through her B G B persona—a platform that blends edgy individuality with heartfelt advocacy. Her mission is to amplify unheard voices, spark meaningful conversations, and empower others to drive positive change while balancing the joys and challenges of raising her wonderful family of six.