Usually when one thinks of domestic violence awareness it is in the prism of statistics and numbers, how many are being affected and the capacity of scale. Today, I would like to address the people who are affected by domestic violence and abuse. There are more people impacted by domestic violence in the military community, and the world, than we will ever really be able to know.

If you are being targeted by an abuser, I want you to know that you matter, and we see you.

As a community, military spouses come from all walks of life and all parts of the world. We are not gender specific, we come from many different nationalities and cultures. There are so many of us who are in a domestic violence situation as this article is being written. 

Initially, it was tempting to point out the various forms of help and avenues of relief for all of the people being affected, and yet we all know there are:

• Avenues we can venture down
• Support we can take advantage of
• And people we can speak to, or report to

What we barely take into account are the myriad ways that seeking help is feared and rejected by those targeted by abusers

Some abusers are the authorities or they have rank and privileges that put them in the very line of authority where help is often offered. There are many who are in relationships where there are going to be upheaval and destruction caused to the family after reporting; the children and the service member’s career are often used as a barrier to reporting any form of abuse. And let us recognize that abuse and violence can come in many forms; physical, mental, financial, emotional, etc. Is it any less damaging in its various forms? 

Often those targeted by abusers are forced to wear a mask or several masks. Making sure to smile in public and be happy at every get together, meanwhile in the privacy of their own homes, they are being abused and violated by the ones who should be caring for them and loving them the most.

You Matter and We Care About You

So, I want to say to you, wherever you are and whoever you are, you matter and we care about you.

We care about all of the times you’ve had to hide your pain.

We care about your hopes and dreams.

We care about your safety, and we are here for you.

We know there is a reason to fear coming out and sharing your truth. Let’s face it, there are some of us who will judge and reject you. There are some of us who will put you down and consider you a victim.

You are not a victim.

No one targeted by an abuser is a victim.

You are strong and you are a survivor.

Look at where you are and how far you have come, holding all of this in so you can protect your loved ones. You are strong. Look at all you have endured in the name of service to family and to country, and even to the one who continues to abuse you. Your struggle is real, and we acknowledge your worth and long suffering. 

There are those of us who may not understand what you are going through, or who may believe that they would not make your same choices if we were in your shoes. The truth of the matter is that these people are not, and have not been in your shoes. They do not know what you are going through, and hopefully they never will. They will judge you, this is a fact.

There will always be someone who criticizes and places blame.

There will always be people who malign and cast down others who are in perilous situations.

Let’s not worry about those people.

Let’s focus on what you have done, and what you manage to do every day, which is to hold it together.

Let’s focus on the many avenues of support and care that are available to you.

You Are Seen and You Are Cared for Deeply

We see you. We see you as you go on with your daily life, managing home and family while sacrificing your own physical and mental well-being.

We see you as you take off your mask and cry alone, thinking that no one will understand.

Trust that we understand. We know that you are making the ultimate sacrifice; yourself.

So, today I hope that you will feel the love and support of so many of us in the military spouse community, and the military at large, who care for you, your well-being, and safety. I, personally, hope that you are able to see your self worth and take one of the many hands of the individuals and groups reaching out to you for support and care. And, if you are unable to do that at this time, please know that you matter to us all and that today, this month, and all year long, we love you.

Author Bio:

Nyshita Cruz is both a Navy Spouse and Veteran. She’s from Detroit Michigan. She served in the US Navy for 10 years and met her husband while on active duty.  They’ve been married for 19 years, and it’s been quite an interesting journey. As they approach retirement, she is looking forward to continuing to serve our military community and expand her service to a global arena.

She is a humanitarian at heart and has served in roles of support for our military families.

After her military service, she went on to receive a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management and utilized some of those skills during her time as a Programs Assistant for the Navy Morale, Welfare, and Recreation Department, which is geared towards improving quality of life for the families of military service members. She also served in the role of Navy Ombudsman for a Naval Ship in Italy, helping families to communicate their needs and concerns to the Ship’s Chain of Command. In this role, she was a liaison between the Chain of Command and the Service Members’ families. As a global citizen, she is thankful to have been able to be of service over the years and now is thankful and excited to join MilSpouse Conversations where she’s sure we will have some great conversations about topics that are relevant and helpful to spouses all over the world and in every branch of service. You can find her at Doodle Maestro creating fun t-shirts.